


How Many Drinks I've Downed

by SpinalBaby



Series: Booze, Bad Decisions, and Boyfriends [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: First Time Blow Jobs, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Non con is not between Jer and Michael, Pre-Slash, Self-Blame, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 20:10:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12872103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpinalBaby/pseuds/SpinalBaby
Summary: “So, uh, not to sound like a total novice here, but what exactly do you do at a college party?”Michael gets an invite to a college party and things get out of hand.





	How Many Drinks I've Downed

“Jeremy, you’ll never guess what I just got!” Michael said, waving his phone in front of Jeremy’s face as they took their pause break from Post-Apocalypse of the Damned: The Aftermath. He’d been texting this guy he met at the F.Y.E in the mall last week when he received a game-changing message.

Jeremy looked up from his own phone, raising a brow as Michael flailed. “Yo, stop, I can’t read it like that,” Jeremy laughed, reaching up to take Michael’s phone and read the screen.

“It’s an invite to a college party!” Michael blurted before Jeremy could even finish reading it, “We gotta go, Jer, this is a huge opportunity!”

“That’s amazing, dude! But- a college party? That doesn’t really sound like our kind of scene, you know?” Jeremy said.

“Aw come on man, you can be my plus one. There’ll be booze! And girls! How can you say no to that?” Michael asked, still looking hopeful.He really wanted to convince Jeremy to come along. As excited as he was, the very idea of going to a college party alone… as a sophomore… God, it was kind of scary. 

“I don’t mean to burst your bubble Michael… but have you _seen_ me around people? I dunno…” He handed back Michael’s phone, fidgeting with the sleeves of his cardigan. Michael frowned a little, but reached out to pat Jeremy comfortingly on the shoulder.

“You’d do fine, dude. But if you think it’d be too much, that’s totally cool. You’re still invited though, if you do change your mind later.” Michael gave him a supportive smile.

“Thanks.” Jeremy rolled his eyes, smiling back. “If I grow a pair by then I’ll let you know. By the way, when is this party, Mr. Cool Guy?”

Michael shrugged, scrolling through the messages. “Looks like it’s this Saturday. I wonder what I should wear…”

“Saturday? Aw man, you’re going to miss the k-drama marathon on channel five. Are you sure it’s worth it?” Jeremy teased. Michael punched him lightly.

“I’d miss my Korean soap operas any day of the week for a shot at a college party. I’ll just have to find some 480p stream of them on some sketchy website. I’ll survive.” Michael grinned. He was so pumped, this was probably the most exciting event he’d been to since his sixth birthday party at Chuck-E-Cheese’s. And one of the mascot characters had been tackled by Rich Goranski and his whole party almost got kicked out. So far, that was probably one of the best days of his life..

…

Michael took a deep breath as he drove up to the house, parking on the street a few houses down, like most the other cars. His heart was pounding in his chest as he checked his messages one last time to make sure he had the right address. He did. Any remaining doubt was erased as he opened the car door to the beat of blaring electronica. Classic party music. Not that Michael would really know, of course.

Michael walked up, about to knock on the door when a guy came stumbling out with a beer. He narrowly missed running into Michael, and instead tripped down the wooden stairs to the yard. Michael slipped in through the open door, looking around at the sensory overload that surrounded him on every side. 

He felt out of place, like everyone could smell the high school on him. As he stood alone, awkwardly, he began to really regret coming without Jeremy. After a few moments he spotted Bryce across the room with a girl at his side, talking to some other guys who looked like they were just nodding along to whatever he said. Michael doubted that they could actually hear their own thoughts over the music, let alone whatever Bryce was saying..

Michael weaved his way through a sea of drunken students and painfully loud music so he could get to Bryce, giving a casual wave as he got over, “Hey!”

“Michael! You made it!” The brunette said, waving with a beer in his hand. “This is my girlfriend, Amanda. Have you gotten a drink yet?”

“No, not yet. Uhh, actually where are the drinks even? I can’t see anything through all these people.” Michael said, relaxed a bit now that he was near someone he knew. 

“Oh I’ll get one for you hun,” Amanda said, unwrapping herself from Bryce, “Be right back”

Michael watched her go, thanking her as she left, before looking back to Bryce. “So, uh, not to sound like a total novice here, but what exactly do you do at a college party?” 

Everywhere he looked he couldn’t really figure out what anyone was actually _doing_. There was dancing, stumbling, talking, making out, heated arguing, and the sounds of beer bottles and cups being dropped on the floor every few seconds. There must have been at least fifty people in the living room alone, crammed like sardines yet still finding enough space to move around to the music.

Bryce laughed, “Oh man. You get drunk, Michael. Haven’t you ever seen the movies?”

And get drunk he did. 

Michael knew it must have been at least an hour since he’d shown up to the party, but he wasn’t exactly sure how late it had gotten. Was it ten? Was it one? Michael didn't know and he couldn't really bring himself to care. 

Somehow he ended up with Bryce and Amanda, taking over the California King in the master bedroom to play Truth or Dare. Michael wobbled as he reached over to grab and chug the remainder of his beer. He wasn’t sure how many he’d had. He’d lost track.

“You’re out! Here, have the rest of mine!” Amanda said, pushing her nearly full bottle of beer in his face. 

“I think I’ve had enough, actually.” Michael laughed a little, declining the drink. If he had another he might black out and have to rely on blurry pictures and videos he’d drunkenly taken on his phone to stitch the night back together in his memory, and he really wanted to be able to tell Jeremy everything he'd missed out on.

“I insist- wait no I dare you!” Amanda said. Bryce put an arm around her hip and pulled her closer to him, so that she was practically on his lap. 

“It’s not even your turn, babe.” Bryce snickered.

“Fine, fine. I accept your challenge.” Michael said, taking the beer from Amanda and drinking some more. He paused a moment, the fuzzy feeling hitting his head faster than the last beer. “Alright. So, where were we?”

“You just confessed to us your deepest darkest secret of being super gay.” Amanda reminded Michael.

“That’s not exactly a secret you know. I’ve been out for like two years.” Michael said, leaning back on his hands to close his eyes for a moment.

“If that’s the case,” Amanda began, devious smirk forming on her overly red lips, “I dare you, Michael, to give Bryce a blowjob.” 

Michael’s cheeks turned pink as he looked back up, trying to read their expressions. Were they really serious? Bryce didn’t seem offended at the notion, seeming oddly calm, and Amanda seemed antsy waiting for a response.

“I think I’m drunk enough to give it a go- I mean, if you want me to. I don’t want to overstep my boundaries or anything...” Michael fidgeted with the cuff of his jeans, shrugging a little.

“Well, it _is_ a dare. I can’t say no to that.” Bryce said, leaning back on his hands and setting down his beer. 

Michael took a moment to look at him, just sitting there and waiting. To be honest, he was somewhat excited. He didn’t think he’d ever give head to a guy as attractive as Bryce. Of course there were downsides- he had no idea what he was doing and Amanda was sitting next to them watching him, but who had a perfect first blowjob anyways? 

“Uh, okay. Yeah, if you’re cool with it.” Michael leaned forward, crawling toward Bryce’s lap. He felt unbalanced, but Bryce reached out to steady him by the shoulder. “Thanks.” Michael mumbled, staring down at the older boy’s crotch. Well, it was now or never. And it was a dare. He tried to ignore the burning stare of Amanda. 

Slowly he reached down, unzipping Bryce’s pants and pulling his underwear down so he could reach in and pull out Bryce’s cock. He was almost surprised at the size of it flaccid… but he could tell that wouldn’t be the case for very long, as the soft skin twitched excitedly beneath his fingers. Michael leaned down, getting on his knees so that he could give it a soft lick. After one he stopped, feeling embarrassed.

“I-I’ve never done this before. I’m going to be bad at it.” Michael mumbled, still hovering, staring at Bryce’s dick, inches from his face.

“Hey, it’s fine, you don’t have to worry about it. It’s a dare man, we’re all friends here.” Bryce ran his fingers through Michael’s hair comfortingly. Michael took a deep breath calming down. Bryce was right.

Slowly he leaned down again, reaching to guide the half erect penis into his mouth, careful not to scratch Bryce with his teeth. It tasted like salty skin. He didn’t really know what he’d expected as he closed his eyes and began to suck and stroke as he bobbed his head up and down. Bryce let out an unexpected moan. Michael’s head quickly shot up as he looked at Bryce with worry.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No, it feels great. Just keep going.” Bryce rested a hand on Michael’s head, gently guiding it back towards his crotch. It made Michael a bit uncomfortable, but Bryce eased up once he began to suck again. 

He continued for several minutes before Bryce laced his fingers through his hair, moaning and pressing Michael’s head down further, this time a little more forceful. Michael tried to resist the push, continuing what he was doing in an attempt to focus. Finally after he nearly choked on Bryce’s dick he forced his head back up, out of Bryce’s grip.

“Dude, quit pushing. I can’t fit it all in my mouth at once-” He was going to continue when he felt his shirt slowly being lifted from behind him. “Amanda?” Michael squeaked, looking back. He moved his head too fast. It felt like he was playing a videogame with a lagging camera.

“It’s totally fine, Mikey. But you gotta take your shirt off. It’s no fun if Bryce can’t see you too.” She said, pulling it up and over Michael’s head. He felt like a ragdoll as she made him lean back against him, snaking her hands up his chest and tweaking his nipples. Michael made a noise of alarm, his face turning red.

“What the hell?” He asked, pulling away, now sandwiched between the couple. 

“Don’t worry about it, just focus on me.” Bryce said. Michael hesitated.

“I’m not really sure I want to keep going…”

“Come on man, you’re not going to leave me like this, are you? You don’t have to do anything else, but this was your dare.” Bryce said, frowning.

Michael sighed a little, Bryce was right. He didn’t want to make a fool out of himself at this party either. A dare was a dare and as long as Amanda stopped touching him he could focus and finish Bryce off. He resumed his service, feeling nervous as he felt a presence behind him again. This time it was Amanda, running her fingers up and down his thighs through his jeans.

“Amanda, stop-” Michael said, beginning to pull up again when Bryce forced his head down, nearly causing him to choke. Bryce was holding him down. He panicked, trying to get up, but his body felt too heavy to move naturally. His head was spinning with fright. He needed to breathe, he needed to get away, but he could only pull back mere inches.

“Let me go, Bryce!” Michael tried to pull away but Amanda had her weight against him, pulling down his jeans, and with them his boxers. “What the fuck?! Let go of me!” Every sudden movement made Michael feel even more drunk and helpless. His body was heavy and things were moving at a pace he couldn’t keep up with. 

His head was spinning when he realized somehow he’d been pushed down, face first into the pillows, disheveled and mostly naked, aside from the one pant leg Amanda wasn’t able to get over his ankles in the struggle.

Bryce was behind him, hands reached around Michael’s throat- they weren’t gripped hard, but the mere presence made Michael frightened. What was going on, how did this happen? He didn’t want this- he just wanted to give a hot guy a blowjob at a party and this is what the universe gave him?

Michael’s thoughts were interrupted as he felt something slippery and thick prodding his entrance. When had Bryce put on a condom? Michael hadn’t noticed it- he’d been lost in his own sluggish thoughts

Slowly he managed to push himself up, kneeling into the mattress, which in retrospect only gave Bryce even easier access to his ass. Internally Michael cried, wishing his thoughts were coherent enough to reason his way out of the situation, but they were all over the place.

_Why did I drink so much? Why didn’t I stop sooner? Why am I such an idiot?_ Externally he couldn’t even cry, eyes wide with fright but extraordinarily dry.

“Michael, calm down, it’s going to feel great. It’s your first time, right?” Amanda asked, sitting beside him, reaching to slowly rub the tip of Michael’s cock. He whimpered.

“I don’t want- ah!” He buried his face into the pillow as Bryce shoved his way inside of him. Holy fuck- he was reconsidering his sexuality, all he could see was black and white spots and all he could feel was _pain_. He never had thought it would hurt this much- it didn’t when he used his fingers- he hadn’t imagined losing his virginity like _this_ either.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Bryce cooed, “It’ll only hurt at first. We want you to feel good, so just relax...” His fingers around Michael’s neck tightened a little, “Can I choke you…? Just a little, I’m kind of into that. Amanda loves to watch.” 

Michael couldn’t respond. Did they really think he wanted this? No, no he did not. The only thing he could think of was the word “no” until it finally spilled weakly from his lips. Then he repeated it a bit stronger.

“Aw, Mikey, you shouldn’t be so quick to judge. I really think you’d like it.” Who said that? Was it Amanda? Bryce? His head was murky and the moment the grip tightened around his neck all his thoughts went from swampy to red. Was that even a thing? Was that what they called seeing red? He wasn’t angry- just _scared_.

Michael sunk as he let everything happen, only jerking every once in awhile when his mind cleared up and he thought maybe he had a chance to get up- get away. He didn’t. He hardly even realized when it was all over and Amanda was kissing his cheek, running her fingers through his hair. He looked over. Bryce was taking off his condom, tossing it into a little trash can by the door. When he looked back at Michael he smiled.

“You liked it, huh? We should do this again sometime.” Bryce came over, picking up Michael’s discarded clothing off the ground. Neatly he folded them up and set them next to Michael, who just stared at him.

He was sobered up enough now to realize just what had happened. What had occurred. How could they be so oblivious? He said _no_. He did, didn’t he? He couldn’t remember. The tears were starting to rise as he felt his heart stuck in his throat. He choked out a quick and lame excuse about wanting to go downstairs and get another beer and take a piss. Or at least he hoped those were the words that came out.

Getting off the bed felt like it took years. The ground was swimming- wait no, his vision was. He wasn’t exactly sure how he managed to get on his clothing and answer Bryce and Amanda as they talked about meeting up again. 

“I’m getting kind of busy… midterms and all…” Michael’s words were all he could protect himself with. Maybe if they thought he was willing to do this again- maybe they wouldn’t get angry. He feared the scenario in which they understood just how Michael felt and tried to stop him from leaving the room. To stop him from getting help. Would he even get help? No… Jeremy was asleep by now. It was almost three in the morning. How was the party not over yet?

“Hurry back up~ we never got you off, Mikey.” Amanda said, laying on top of her boyfriend, looking relaxed as Michael quickly stumbled out of the room. 

“I-Im good- I’m tired.” Michael shut the door behind him, holding the walls as he tried to push through the crowd of unassuming college students. 

He didn’t even notice anyone staring at him, aside from a goth looking girl in the back. She’d removed herself from everyone else as if she didn’t trust them either, giving Michael a worried look as he managed to get himself down the stairs and out the front door. 

Michael saw his car and ran. Bad idea. He nearly fell on his face, but caught himself on the passenger’s side door. He looked back up at the house, then back to his car. He couldn’t drive himself home like this. He couldn’t even see straight. But what if they came out here- and just saw him sitting in his car? They’d try to drag him back upstairs to do something even more fucked up. And then pretend he _liked_ it! 

Michael let out a broken sob, fumbling to get inside the backseat of his PT Cruiser. He’d just sleep in the back and lock the doors. He had a blanket back there, he could cover himself up and no one would even think anyone was in there. That was the last coherent thought Michael had before he woke up the next morning. His body felt disgusting and achey, splitting pain beginning to hit when he finally sat up.

He managed to drive himself home, take a shower, and retreat to his bed in the basement, not even bothering to turn on the lights as he curled up into the comfortable covers. They felt so soft and warm, and yet he still didn’t really feel like he was safe yet. 

Bryce and Amanda didn’t even know where he lived. Why was he so scared still? He could just block Bryce’s number, avoid F.Y.E., and it’d be over. He hardly knew the guy in the first place.

Around one in the afternoon Michael stirred from his coma-like state, peeking out from beneath the covers as he heard someone open the door to the basement.

“Michael? Are you hung over? Can I turn on the light dude?” Jeremy’s voice came from the top of the stairs.

“Leave them off.” Michael mumbled, curling up tighter. He felt like hell, and he’d rather Jeremy not see him like this. 

“Michael, are you alright?” Jeremy asked, quickly closing the door and coming down the stairs. He heard his friend trip over a few things on his way to the bed. “Michael?” He sat down on the edge of the bed. Michael flinched.

He could feel Jeremy’s gaze burning a hole through his blankets of privacy and protection. “How was the party? Michael? Did it go okay?” Jeremy was here to find out how the party went. Of course he was. He was a good friend.

“Jer?” Michael began weakly, “I don’t want to talk about it… can you just sit here with me?” 

Jeremy looked down at the covers, eyes somewhat adjusted to the dark as Michael pulled the covers off from over his face. His expression was pitying. “Of course.” Jeremy breathed, looking worried, but not pressing the matter. He groped for Michael’s hand and gave it a soft squeeze, to which Michael squeezed back a little harder in response. Jeremy’s cold hand was actually kind of comforting right now. 

“Thanks.” Michael replied, voice shaking. He was going to cry again, but it was okay, because Jeremy was there to hold his hand, grounding him in reality.

“I’m right here dude. I’m not going anywhere.” Jeremy said. Michael could feel him shaking with worry. He wanted to comfort Jeremy so he curled up closer, moving so that his head was on Jeremy’s leg like a bony human pillow.

“I’m fine. I just- I need a minute.” Michael whispered.

Jeremy nodded. What would he say after that minute was up? How would he explain what he’d done at the party… Jeremy would be disgusted… and disappointed in him. He’d made so many bad choices that led up to the events of last night’s party. He could have stopped it all right in it’s tracks if he’d made one _good_ decision. 

“Just… a minute.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to FredAndGinger, my best friend/editor. This one really needed a second look over and she did a fantastic job helping me fix it up. <3
> 
> If anyone is interested in a second part let me know in the comments below. 
> 
> A kudos a day keeps the depression at bay.


End file.
